Welcome, to The State of Men
I tell you what, the next 10 minutes or so is a brutal read.
With years of coaching men, i fully understand the following statement:
Most men are living quiet lives of desperation.
It’s heart breaking. Far too many men are a fucking mess!
I’m a bit of a people watcher. And i pay attention. I’m very aware of the problems men face but even i wasn’t expecting it to be so bad when i pulled all the statistics together.
When i’m in the gym and health suite, very few men are actually in what you’d call ‘good shape’.
And i’m not for 1 second coming at it from a judgemental angle, or a subjective one.
It’s objective facts. If you’re overweight you’re much more at risk of illness etc.
These guys attending the gym are miles ahead of the general public, and STILL out of shape.
I watched dads carry their new born babies into swimming class. I see the shape of the body.
And i don't care what you think;
Dad bods are bullshit!
It's unfortunate how society normalises these things. Makes a bit of a joke of it.
It's almost, embarrassingly, alright, because so many fall into the category. You know you'd rather do better but so many others are in the same boat, which kind of makes it acceptable.
Especially in the UK. If you get smashed, spill your kebab down your brand new white t-shirt, fall in the bush and rip your new jeans, spew all over the taxi and lose your £1000 iPhone...
You're a fucking legend!
But start getting up at 5am, working out, eating right, reading and looking after your finances, you're a weirdo.
Mental.
I've seen it in action.
Heaven forbid if you stop drinking alcohol, because;
Pints. It's what the men live for.
There's approx 35 million men in UK. I've used the UK because i'm from here.
I think i was nearly addicted to alcohol at age 16, but busy time on the farm came around and i worked long hours everyday.
I think the farm saved me!
Then as i got older, i loved nights out but the hangovers were a killer, lasting a week or so. And as a triathlete, it just wasn't worth it any more.
The pain outweighed the pleasure!
Let's look at the amount of men with alcohol issues.
-Around 6%, which equates to roughly 2 million men have some form of alcohol dependence.
-40% of men report drinking more than the recommended units per week.
-Men account for 75% of alcohol deaths.
Then there's the cost of ruined families. And of course the massive impact it has on liver disease and your overall health.
The calories in alcohol, and then the associated over eating which comes with it, plays a big part in the obesity epidemic..
-9.4 million men in the UK are obese. That's 28%. Over a quarter of all men!
-13.4 million men are overweight.
When you add in overweight men, it jumps to around 68%.
23 million men are out of shape.
I'd also throw in here the fact if we were to test men by body fat % the numbers would be even higher.
You can be in the correct weight category but have a high body fat %.
Then it's estimated 2% of men are underweight.
Now i'm going to throw in a statement here which is critical in our quest for self mastery;
Mental health needs physical support!
And in our work here at Dads on Fire, we're strong believers in the fact everything effects everything else.
It's estimated 24% of men are physically inactive, with the figure rising to 34% when you include men who don't get enough exercise each week.
So let's look at men with mental health issues
-Around 3 million men are taking anti-depressants.
-1 in 8 men are suffering from some form of mental health issue at any given time.
There's a huge issue with physical health too;
-Nearly half of the men in the UK are taking some form of prescribed medication. Around 13-15 million men.
The above doesn't count over the counter medications either!
The most common medications are heart disease, diabetes, pains meds & mental health pills.
-Around 4 million men are living with heart issues.
-Around 100,000 hospital admissions a year are heart attacks and most are men.
-Around 2 million men are type 2 diabetic. (estimates suggest an extra 1 million undiagnosed cases)
We've already spoken about poor physical health and alcohol consumption but there's more;
-Around 5 million men are smokers.
-Around 500,000 men are class A drug addicts. Heroin, Meth etc.
-Around 1.2 million men reporting using cannabis in the past 12 months.
Nearly 2 million men are taking illegal substances and i've a sneaky suspicion it's a lot more than that.
Which leads us on to the next thing;
-Nearly 100,000 men are in jail!
I'm not sure if that counts towards the next stat or not but;
-Nearly 1 million men are unemployed.
I'd also suggest that's a bit on the low side. Government don't like to publish the real figures as it paints a bad picture.
Let's take a peek at the state of men's financial health...
It's not all that great.
-The average salary for men is £33,000 after tax.
-Nearly 3 million men have serious debt related stress.
-Around 12 million report some form of debt. (not including mortgages, car payments etc)
-Around 4000 men a year declare bankruptcy.
-Around 17% of men have savings less than £500.
-Only around 4% of the UK earn over £100,000/year. Most of which are men.
Some more stats before we move on to the worst ones;
-Somewhere around 5000 men are sleeping rough.
-3.2% of men, nearly 1 million, reported domestic abuse in 2023.
-300,000 men over the age of 16 have reported some form of sexual abuse.
-12,000 men are victims of rape, annually. (probably on the low side due to men not wanting to report)
-100,000 or so marriages end in divorce each year.
-1 million men, which represents 10% of fathers, do not reside with their kids.
-Of those, 13% report having zero contact with their kids.
-1 in 3 kids report losing all contact with their fathers after the parents separate.
As i've said before;
Everything effects everything else!
So it's no wonder, with the stats covered so far, so many men are struggling, and ultimately, taking their own life, leaving their kids without their king.
I saw a video of a young boy, maybe 4, crying and shouting for his daddy.
Daddy ended it all and was never again, to be coming home.
Heart breaking!
I've worked with a few guys who were ready to end it all. I think the question which makes them think the most is this;
Who's going to look them in the eye and tell them daddy isn't coming home again?
Ending it all is never the answer, but the mind is a powerful master, and just like the weeds take the garden, the bad thoughts take the mind and can even convince you your kids are better off without you.
It's a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.
And again;
It's NEVER the answer!
But almost 5000 men in the UK each year think it is.
What i can tell you is this...
Every person i've heard from who tried to take their own life and failed, instantly regretted it after the point of no return.
The moment the feet leave the Golden Gate Bridge and there's no way back, the regret kicks in, but for most it's over.
So we have to do the work before it gets to that stage.
We have to get our shit together!
I don't just mean talking, although it's a good start.
Talking about how shit your life is, reinforces it. Reliving it over and over in your head, in vivid detail.
We did a small experiment a few years back. Got on a call with a therapist who came highly recommended.
Fuck me.
She must've said 'and tell me how that made you feel' about 30 times.
We only need to hear the problem once...
Then it's solutions.
90% of middle aged men who take their own life in the UK are in contact with services.
There's never been more awareness, there's never been less stigma...
Yet men taking their own life is on the rise!
The 'what you're supposed to do when you're in crisis' isn't working.
I read a study not long ago suggesting 150 minutes of exercise a week is 1.5x more effective than pills & talk therapy.
Which is what i've said for years...
But pills are big business for the opposition!
For most men, depression, or low mood, and all the other issues we see, would disappear if they would do the work!
Get themselves into shape, work on their mind, stopped loading their body with alcohol and all the other shit and started hunting down some goals.
And NOBODY can tell me otherwise because i've seen it with my own eyes.
Guys who draw the line and say;
enough is enough
And get to work on a better version of themselves!
When a man takes responsibility and turns it all around.
It's a thing of beauty!
It's our life. it's up to us. 100% self responsibility.
Nobody is coming to save us!
Our 1-1 coaching course is where it all starts for our guys.
The 90 Day Rebuild!
We've put it together to tackle the issues we see arise time and time again.
Working in the 6 areas of focus we believe, in fact, we know makes the difference to our guy's quality of life.
For more information, and to see how The Rebuild can help you, or to get started in the process of getting your shit together visit the address below;
We look forward to welcoming you though our doors.
Regard
Ewan Robb.